Stephanie Made Me Do It.

Doc V

(Thesis Making Thoughts. 1 March 2012)

Alas! I know nothing of romance

I run away at the sight of violet and red

But I displace my overflow of feelings

And day by day limp of hurt and regret.

I chain my emotions to my poor poor chest

Til most times, i can breathe no longer in pain

I yell furiously in my head each time you pass

While I stay and wallow in the words I cant utter

There is no liquid luck

To untie me from my nearing madness

There is no prescription drug

To set me free of this twisted addiction

For you cause my lunacy.

And you are my obsession.

If there is a cure, it is nothing else but you.

You mean more than all love songs combined.

You are both the strength and weakness I have.

You are the 'perfect' that's more than a hundred percent.

And you equate all cheesy lines to alluring poetry.

Give me more time, for I am weak.

Tell me what to say, for I am ignorant

Show me what to do, for I am clueless

Treat my disease, for, again, my love,

you are the only cure.

'almost-classes' thoughts

when at the beginning of a long break, you plan your life around a bunch of books and reading, don't. it NEVER happens. but come to think of it, not planning it around that results to pretty much the same, nothing. you think about it but you think again and go the other way. it's such a playful sun-filled day, why waste it indoors? or why waste it being the boring nerd you have become for the past semester? sure. you have just become the greatest and bulkiest pillow among the rest lying on your bed when you made either decision. congratulations. there is no lesser evil. your only difference now (from your other pillows) is that you have the capacity to reach for and click the remote. more congratulations.

my time is ticking. and it's always the same thoughts. 1. gah, i wasted so much time. 2. but i had so much fun. 3. so much fun doing nothing? 4. i deserve it don't i? 5. did my classmates study during this break? and the list goes on. i'm probably going to class next week thinking that i should have regretted the lost time but maybe i don't regret it actually. but i will tell myself that when i get to school, i will not waste any more time. even then, i probably will still. *sigh.

wow.

i know myself too well. that's exactly what i would say. that's exactly what i would do. i remember asking the Lord to give me a focused mind, i remembered asking about 3million and a half times, but i'm not sure if i'm getting the package. sometimes i am pumped up to hit the books but sometimes, and when it's not absolutely necessary to be doing anything, the laze just creeps in.

bottom line is, this sem break has been sadly an unproductive one but it was basically all i dreamt of at the time when med school was killing me. so i still love how it treats me. for my last days, i will not rush myself into anything school-related but i do to get back soon. days like this are always great and i am definitely a fan of LAZY. :) peace.

shit happens

death. by accident. i would imagine this is how it feels like. the world suddenly turns pitch black. your mind becomes cloudy; you're confused as hell and where you're gonna step next is a big uncertainty. but more than that big uncertainty are more and bigger uncertainties that no one-- no one can clear for you.

where am i?

what am i doing here?

what was i doing last?

who was i with again?

where's everybody?

and suddenly it hits you like a big yellow school bus (initially i was going for a non-cliche, made-up alternative but heck, there's no substitute for the real thing). and you ask, in the faintest and most clueless voice you've ever let out, AM I DEAD?

you wish and pray that no one gives you the right answer but now he comes, the hooded figure with a long, sharp and shiny toy in his bony fingers. he didn't have to have an answer because for some reason, now is the only time that everything became clear to you. the answers to your questions were pointless, the darkness around you have never been more comforting. you lie down and curl up like a baby as he comes closer.

i thought it was going to be fun. i was a daredevil. WAS.

thoughts: PARACHUTE ACCIDENT

what else CAN we do, shit happens. but this ain't one you GET OVER easily.